I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize