Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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