Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
