I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
