Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
