Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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