So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
