My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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