He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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