FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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