She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
