guys are not supposed to queef...right?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
