tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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