ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
