Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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