What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
