Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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