I'm lost and stupid without you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
is it fun? or sober?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
