There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
