I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize