she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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