Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I currently don't understand fingers.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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