Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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