We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
