her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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