I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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