I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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