OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
