i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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