do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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