What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
