you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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