I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
