You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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