will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize