Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
