i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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