the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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