she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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