I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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