Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
