i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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