Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
