True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
