Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
