Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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