okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
