No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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