he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
