Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
