You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
