Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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