the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
