so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
