She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
