Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
