At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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