it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize