I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
