shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
