You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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