Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize