There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
