I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
