I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
