I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
