people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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