He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Randomize