I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
