That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
