we made out on top of his cat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
