I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
