Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
