Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
