What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
