is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
