I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize