His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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